Goodbye My Friend

For the past few weeks, our injured horse has been getting worse and worse. Today, we made the difficult decision to put him out of his misery. I know it was the humane thing to do, but it doesn't make it any easier. I feel like I let him down. We tried about everything we could within reason. We could have continued to try, using more and more sophisticated and expensive treatments, but the bottom line would have been the same; a lame horse in constant pain.

We agonized over this decision. Although we had only owned this horse for less than a year, he had proven himself as an exceptional horse. Anyone could ride him and he could handle anything we ever asked of him. Everyone loved him, and most wished he belonged to them. Even the Vet had a hard time putting him down. In the end, we all agreed that it was what was best for him.

I knew it was the right thing as I lead him out of the vet's stall to the area out back. He limped painfully along, even though he was doped up on the maximum amount of pain killers. He followed me faithfully. I think he knew where he was going, and was glad to see and end to the pain; at least I hope so. We arrived at the spot where he would be put down and he turned around stood there waiting. The vet, his assistant, a close friend of mine and myself stood there for a few minutes in the softly falling snow. His warm breath billowed out of nose in quiet clouds. He looked at me with soft eyes as I rubbed between his ears and along his face. I quietly thanked him for being such a good horse and gave him a few of his favorite horse treats. I rubbed his warm and powerful neck as I appologized for what we were about to do. I tried to tell him that we tried everything to get him better, but we just couldn't find a solution to his pain. I knew he wouldn't want to live his life in pain and restricted to a small pasture, unable to run.

He just looked at me as the vet administered the fatal dose. I'll spare everyone the details of putting down a horse, but it isn't a pretty thing. Thankfully, the vet told me that the brain shuts down almost immediately, so there is little chance he felt anything. God I hope so.

After the vet checked and told me there was no pulse, I knelt in the snow and rubbed his still warm cheek and neck for several minutes. Gently talking to him, and asking God to take care of him. I'm sure there are horses in Heaven. The snow continued to gently fall. I noticed a few flakes landing on his eye and knew he was really gone and free of the pain. I still held onto my composure.

As I got up and turned to thank the vet for doing all he had, his assistant handed me the halter. My throat suddenly became tight and my eyes started to fill. I had a difficult time forming the words to thank the vet, but I did. I shook his hand and the hand of my friend, thanking them both. We said our goodbyes they left quietly, leaving me alone with my friend.

After a few minutes and another prayer, I turned away and walked through the quietly falling snow, the only sounds were my boots crunching and my sniffing. I got into my truck and called my wife to let her know it was over. Afterwards, I sat in the darkend truck and cried quietly by myself.

Goodbye my friend, may you find endless green pastures.

Bettie Page; My First Crush

Bettie Page. To many, the name brings to mind images of bygone eroticism. The name is arguably the epitome of the golden age of erotic art. She died a couple of days ago after a tumultuous life plagued by mental illness and notoriety. She was an enigma; the quintessential pin up queen who later shunned public life and dedicated her life to Christianity. To me, she will always hold a special place.

She is (was) the only person I can think of that is as popular, or possibly more popular, than she was during the height of her career, which ended nearly a half century ago. She is a true legend. I’m sure she was solely responsible for the sexual awakening of millions of young men; I know she was for me.

I can’t ever remember a time when I wasn’t aware of Bettie Page. I’m certain that I knew nothing about her before I reached puberty, but for the life of me, I can’t remember a time I didn’t know who she was, and what she did to my hormones! She still does in fact. There is just something about her that touches some inner part of me. I’m trying to say what she meant to me without sounding like a pervert or something. Her attraction for me is more than the erotic poses. She seemed to portray a zest for life. I can see it in her eyes and her smile. I don’t know how to explain it. All I know is that I have never lost the urge to gaze upon her pictures when ever I happen to see one. I’ll always feel like teenager when I see her.

Many have written about the Bettie Page phenomenon and I think they all touch on a part of her attraction, but I think her real quality and attraction to so many is that she touched something different and unique in all who admired her.

I know that I’ve always had an attraction to brunettes with bangs, who aren’t stick thin models. I like a curvy woman and love a woman in stockings and heels. Put them all together and you have none other than Bettie Page. Who cares that she was in her late 50’s when I went through puberty; she was, is and always will be in her 30’s and perfect. Just the way she wanted to be remembered; she refused to be photographed in her later years saying in a 1998 interview "I don't want to be photographed in my old age, I feel the same way with old movie stars. ... It makes me sad. We want to remember them when they were young."

Her web page has a great memorial to her. If you don’t know who she was (where have you been, Mars?) go check it out.

God Bless you Bettie Page, may you rest in peace and find a place in heaven.

I Suck as a Blogger, But My Horse is Okay :)

As anyone who happens to stumble in here knows, I suck as a blogger. I have a multitude of things I want to write about, all these things running around inside my head, but never able to actually get anything down on paper (or web page as it were). Things like the economy, celebrity idiocy, government, my house, my horses, our adoption, the holidays, cancer, erectile dysfunction, the weather, and any other bullshit that's constantly banging around in my noggin.

Sadly, as I've said many times; I'm a reader, not a writer. I read so many great blogs that once I start writing, I read what I've written and think it's just crap. There are so many talented writers out there that usually one of them happens to articulate what I'm trying to say. Then I just delete what I wrote, happy in the fact that someone, somewhere, has gotten my point across.

Once in a while, (okay, once in a GREAT while, just look at how often I update! :)) I actually sit down and write something that will (gasp) actually be posted. Like tonight... TA DA!!

Last Wednesday, I was driving to a job I've been trying to finish before the weather turned to complete crap, when my phone rang. It was the lady who boards our horses. It seems her hired man was checking the herd when he noticed my wife's horse standing stock still, at the opposite end of the pasture from all the others. He found the poor guy had a really bad wire cut on his right front leg. He called her, she called me...

The vet said he could see him as an emergency, so I scrapped my plans for the day and went to get the trailer. When I saw how badly he was injured, my stomache did a flip. This horse is such a gem; he's practically bomb-proof. He's a great mountain horse, but he's also just about a perfect kids horse. Hell, anyone can ride him, he's that good. Anyway, The entire back of his leg, just above the hoof, was peeled back. I don't know how he was standing there (I guess three other legs helped). Now the trick would be to get him in the trailer so I could get him to the vet.

Usually he gets right in the trailer, but being injured, he was very hesitant. I finally got his head in, but couldn't get him to step up inside. I tried everything; food, pulling, pushing, nothing worked. Then I did the dumbest thing possible; I tied his lead to the inside of the trailer and was going to get behind him and push. Just then, the wind blew the damn door closed and it swung into his side. This of course startled the hell out of him and he tried to back away, but the lead held him. He started thrashing and kicking trying to get loose. The rope pulled so tight I couldn't pull it free. Of all the days not to have my knife with me.

Luckily, he is such a good horse that as soon as he realized he was trapped, he quit thrashing. I talked to him and got him calmed down, and finally got the lead loose. I looked at his leg and almost cried. He had opened it up again and now it was bleeding terribly. I told him he had to get in this time, or he might not make it. The wound was actually spraying blood. Arterial. Bad news. He looked at me and walked right in, leaving a trail of blood.

I drove as fast as I dared the 25 miles to the vet, praying all the way. Luckily, the senior vet was there (it was his day off) and he took over his care. He shaved the leg and cleaned it up, then spent a few minutes poking and prodding till he was satisfied there was no nerve, tendon, or bone damage. The wound was so large and deep that he was able to put two fingers completely inside. Luckily, like I said, there was only tissue damage. Severe tissue damage, but tissue has the best chance of healing.

The Doc put about 20 stiches in and when he was done, you could hardly see the injury. He then put a cast on him to keep him from flexing the joint and pulling the stiches out. The bleeding slowed to an ooze and I asked about the arterial damage. Luckily, it wasn't an artery, just that his blood pressure was elevated, and that caused the spraying. Thank you God!

Anyway, The Doc figured he'd be in pretty severe pain in a day or two, and would probably keep his weight off that leg. It's been five days and he only limped a little the first two days. since then, he's had full weight on it, and eating like a pig. In fact, he's starting to look like a submarine!

On Saturday, I went and searched the pasture and found the wire he got caught in. I wanted to make sure that none of the other horses could get injured. It looks like he got a piece of barbed wire (the only section of fence that HAS bw) tangled around his leg. I fixed the fence and thanked the Lord for keeping the other horses safe, and for keeping the damage to a minimum. It could have been a lot worse. Doc says he should make a full recovery. Whew.

I hope we don't have any more days like that, but I'm sure we will. Horses always seem to get into something...

WARNING - Rough Language Ahead - WARNING

Okay, it has been a very very long time since Rude1 had a real Rampage, but that is all about to change.

I kept my cool all through the election season, even though there was a plethora of subjects I could have had a Rampage on, but my friends, I'm about to go bat-shit crazy over the fucking auto industry.

Fuck GM, Fuck Ford, Fuck Detroit. They're all a bunch of fucking whiny-assed unionized fuck-wads wanting a bail out. Fuck-em, let 'em file bankruptcy and be forced to re-organize and get rid of the bullshit management that has run these companies into the ground. FIRE their worthess asses. Get rid of the fucking unions that are driving costs through the damn roof. Why is a union janitor making $30 an hour as skilled fucking labor? That shit needs to stop. How in the FUCK can anyone keep their job when their company is consistently posting BILLIONS in quarterly losses? And WHY. THE. FUCK. should we even be considering a bail out for these fucking losers?

The auto industry is actually doing quite well even in these hard times, except for in Michigan (oh yeah, aint that the place with all the government corruption?). Pelosi and her fuck-faced liberal counterparts are trying to pull this off! These mother-fuckers need to shut. the. fuck. up! How about some damn personal responsibility here? I didn't see these shit-balls trying to help out Enron (who did nothing illegal, look up the facts). Oh no, they falsly accused/tried/convicted the executives over there.

I tell you what; these socialistic programs are gonna fuck the good ole US of A right in the ass and it will be too fucking late fix it. BTW, why don't I get a fucking bail-out? My business is doing poorly and showing a loss due to the local economy. Where's my help? Maybe if my company was losing money becouse of MY OWN FUCKING INCOMPETENCE I could get some of that pie. Maybe I'll call my representatives and find out if I can get a hand out. Hell, we just voted in libtards across the board here.

One other thing that has the vein in my forhead ready to burst is Obama's staff. What happened to all that centrist crap he was running on? Where is the bi-partisan staff he was talking about. This article made my eyes bleed. Especially the shit from Hairy oops Harry Reid... "Podesta also said Obama is working to build a diverse Cabinet. That includes reaching out to Republicans and independents — part of the broad coalition that supported Obama during the race against Republican John McCain. Defense Secretary Robert Gates has been mentioned as a possible holdover.

"He's not even a Republican," Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid of Nevada said. "Why wouldn't we want to keep him? He's never been a registered Republican."

WHAT.THE.FUCK? That my friends PROVES that to Reid and his ilk that it doesn't matter one tiny fucking bit if a person is qualified for a position, rather it is the political party or liberal view point that matters. What a fucking piece of shit that guy is. One of the reasons I moved out of Nevada. Fucking moron.

Okay, I need to stop now or my brain will explode. I need to wait until I get that free health care to let that happen.

FUCK

Ask What Your Country can do for You, Not What You can do for Your Country

Congratulations to Obama, he pulled it off. I still don't understand the appeal and the unquestionable quest for "hope" and "Change". We all have hope, but everyone's hopes are different. I'm all for change, but only if the change is specific. Change for change's sake is seldom a good idea. I guess if you spout undefined hope and change, enough people will believe the hope and change they have in mind is what you're talking about. I just hope that when the masses are disappointed and are paying higher interest rates and taxes, that they remember how it came to be.

We are indeed entering into a new era of American leadership. One that champions the Government as the solution to all your problems. How far we have come since the days of JFK, who truly believed in the American citizen. Now we must believe in the American statesman. Sad in my opinion.

I, as most conservatives, refuse to squall like spoiled 2 year old (or defeated liberal) about the election results. One of the major differences between conservatives and liberals is how we handle victory and defeat. Seldom, if ever have I seen in your face victory dances by anyone on the right, yet that is what I'm seeing now and saw in 92 and 96. We will quietly accept the election and pray that we were wrong and that the USA will not be led into ruin. I hope Mr. Obama strengthens our economy and keeps us safe.

I also find it interesting that whenever a conservative is elected, he (or she) is expected to reach across the isle to the left; but when a liberal is elected, conservatives are expected to unite behind them. I'm not the smartest guy around, so this confounds me to no end.

As for electing the first black president, for that I'm thankful. If only to put to rest the antiquated and inaccurate stance that America is racist. I have know for longer than I can remember, that the color of the skin makes ablolutely no difference to the vast majority of Americans; so now can we finally quit beating that poor dead horse?

I'm not very optomistic about the next four years, but I am willing to see how it plays out. I will gladly say I was wrong if he is able to do all that he wants to do with out endangering the American way of life.

Time will tell.

Cowboy Up

Just another nice fall day spent with my newest gal...

Riding Amy

It's been a pretty busy time for me lately since it's the end of the season and everyone is trying to get ready for winter. The good news is that means more dinero in my pocket, but one of bad things is that I haen't gotten to ride in almost three weeks! So, I decided to fix that and go for a ride yesterday afternoon.

I got to the paddock and she decided to let me know she was a wee bit pissed that I hadn't been to see her in so long (I have to keep her at a friends until I get our paddock and barn built). Normally, when I come to catch her, she comes right over and lets me put her harness on with no trouble at all. Well, yesterday she would wait until I was just about to her, then trot off to the other side of the paddock. She would try and put another horse between us, so I couldn't catch her. Well, once she finally decided it was time to let me off the hook, she stood perfectly still as I walked up and put her harness on. I was hoping that would be the end of her "mood" but found out differently when I started to brush her out.

When I was first thinking about buying Amy, her owners warned me that she could be tempermental and that I really needed to watch her when getting ready for a ride. They said she had never really bonded well with anyone in the past, and she could get a bit stubborn; in fact, the first day I rode her, she bit me when I was tying her to the hitching post. Not a full on bite, but a nip on my forearm just to see how I would react. After that first ride, she wouldn't let me out of her sight. Since then, we've been really good together; until yesterday.

While I was brushing her out, she kept giving me the stink eye and pinning her ears back. Not full-on pinned back, but she was letting me know she wasn't real happy with me. After I put the blanket on and went to get my saddle, she pulled the blanket off when my back was turned. We had a little chat and then I saddled her up with no real problems (other than the 100lbs she has put on for winter; I had to adjust both the cinch and the flank strap to fit). She did give me dirty looks when I cinched her, but then she always does that. The good news was she let me put the bit in her mouth with no argument, something she usually makes me work at.

Since she was being a bit moody, I took her first to the round pen for some ground work. She really decided to test me in the round pen. She refused to move her feet and I had to really get after her to get her to lunge. First, she just would not move at all, then, all she would do was walk. Finally, I got her to trot and lope in both diredtions, and got her to follow MOST of my commands.

Finally, I felt it was time to ride a bit before we ran out of light, so off we went. The first part of the ride was good; she gave me no attitude at all. I worked her a bit from the saddle, then just let her follow the trail. Just as we were coming into a little grove of trees, something spooked her and she jumped to the left and tried to bolt. I was just a bit behind her and didn't stop the lunge, but quickly got her stopped before she could bolt. I don't know what it was, but evidently, it wasn't anything too bad cause she recovered and we went on about our way out of the trees and up the hill.

We rode for almost two hours, just walking through the hills and looking at the fall colors. This time of year the colors are just beginning to fade, but the aspen are still bright gold. The reds, oranges, greens and golds are especially vibrant in the golden glow of the late afternoon sun. I'm just mad I didn't bring my camera.

All in all it was a good afternoon; Amy did a great job after she let me know she was feeling a bit rejected. I guess I won't make that mistake again! I don't know if the ride did her or me more good, but I know I really needed it. After so many years without a horse, I'm finding that I missed it more than I ever imagined. Horse people will understand, but it's hard to describe the feeling a horse brings out. It's so much more than just going for a ride. The bonding and trust between horse and rider, the tranquility of riding out in the quiet, the peacefullness that just surrounds you when you're with your horse. All I know is that I really feel at peace when I'm with our horses, and with Amy in particular.

I sure hope I can get our facilities up soon, I could sure a little horse therapy more often than I'm getting now.

The Other Woman

I never saw it comming, nor was I looking for it, but it happened. I fell in love with another woman. She is amazing. Her eyes are limpid pools that I can see all the way into her soul. She expects and gives total respect with no questions asked. She loves me as I am, with all my faults and problems. We are one.

Her hair is like spun copper glinting in the sunlight and dancing on the breeze. Her legs... Oh her legs are strong and beautiful, even with the few scars, they give her character. Her body ripples and is warm and wonderful to the touch. We don't have to speak, we communicate almost telepathically; she knows what I want by the way I look at her, or touch her.

She is playful yet strong, fiesty yet submissive, stubborn yet forgiving. When she walks she looks like she's dancing. Her breath is warm and sweet on my skin. She is regal. Her name is Amy and she is all I ever hoped she would be. She is beautiful, and she is mine forever.



And my wife loves her too!

Laugh Out Loud Funny

I've not had a chance to visit some of my favorite sites for a while, but today I caught up on Bob Lonsberry's columns and found this gem...


I haven't laughed so hard in quite a while.

Back From the Grave

It's hard for me to believe it's been over a year since I sat down to write a post, but then again, with everything that has gone on with building this house, it's no wonder. In a nutshell, the small house we wanted to build for my mom wound up taking 21 months to build and nearly double the cost. Granted, it should have only taken 6-8 months, but hey, why do things the easy way right? If I were a writer, I'd write a book about how NOT to build a house. So now that house is done, and we're living in it but have to put OUR house on hold for a few years till we pay this one off. Sorry mom, but you'll just have to stay where you are for a couple more years... :) Ah well, a story for another time.

There have been so many things I want to write about but never could find (or make) the time to do it. I'll prolly do so anyway cause it's my blog and who reads this crap anyway. Some will be past their prime, but others will be current I promise.

With that said, I'm just glad we made it though this ordeal and managed to (mostly) keep our sanity and most importantly, stayed married. It was touch and go at times, but we now know that we can weather any storm.

So now it's time to close one book and open another. Who knows, this one might just be a comedy.

Angels

One of the greatest gifts of the blog-o-sphere is the opportunity to get to “know” people you normally wouldn’t have the chance to. We’re no longer separated geographically, or socially, or economically. With the click of a mouse, we are invited into other people’s lives. Sometimes we’re welcomed as friends, sometimes we’re shunned, but more often than not, if we’re polite and respectful, we’ll be embraced.

I’m still amazed after all this time, just how wonderful the blogging community is. I literally stumbled into the blog-o-sphere several years ago. I had no idea what it was, or how truly amazing it really is. Since that time, I’m still in awe of how many gifted writers are out there, usually it obscurity. In college, I was taught to write about what you know, write about what you love. Perhaps that is the key; bloggers write about their lives, their loves, and their pain. The writing encompasses the full range, from eloquent prose to raw-unedited passion. By exploring blog rolls of favorite bloggers, untold treasures are uncovered, and new favorite writers are found. I never get tired of these cyber-explorations and unearthing the literary treasures that are waiting out there, trapped in the silky threads of the web.

I started this post simply to pay homage to lady who I love to read, and pay my respects for the loss of her friend. Eugene introduced me to Shayna almost a year ago. Her compassion and true heart led her to befriend the man everyone knew, but few got to know. She helped make his last few months memorable and worth living. From what I can see through her words, Eugene probably enjoyed his last few months on earth more than the past several decades. Shayna says that there is one more angel who just earned his wings; I say, Shayna herself is an angel. She, with the help of her son, brought joy and purpose back into his life. She showed him that his life did have meaning, and that his time here on earth would not be soon forgotten. Sounds like an angel to me. I know I'll miss Eugene, but the void left in Shayna's and Little Willie's life will be hard to fill.

Shayna, I know I haven’t been around as much these days, but please know you and your family are in my prayers. Thank you for sharing your stories of Eugene with us, and thanks for letting me in and getting to know you. I’ll check in from time to time to see how things are going. God Bless you Shayna, may he welcome Eugene into the Kingdom.

I Just Can't Believe This

Matt over at Blackfive posted this link to the story of Maj Bruce Crandall's Medal of Honor. You know the Hollywood version of Maj Crandall's action from the movie "We Were Soldiers" starring Mel Gibson. Maj Crandall was the heroic Huey pilot played by Greg Kinnear. I for one am thankful the good Maj is finally getting the medal. Without his leadership and commitment, Hal Moore's valiant troopers most likely would have been completely overrun.

I can't believe the media covered this story with less attention than the local supermarket sale items. They should all be ashamed. This man deserves better. God Bless You Maj and all those you saved that day.

Sadness and Prayers

Hey everyone,
Sorry it's been so long since I posted, but with the house and record breaking cold and snow, I just haven't had the time or energy.

That said, please give a prayer for my friend and general contractor's family. He was killed yesterday in an avalanche. He was one really sweet guy and his family is going through hell right now. He was a fine craftsman and did great work, even if it took a little extra time. He was a good dad and husband.

For those who enjoy winter sports, remember to always tell someone where you will be and when you should be back. Know the dangers and use a personal locator beacon. Be careful. People left behind will suffer greatly.

Walt, thanks for all the work you've done on my house. I wish you were gonna be here to see the finished project. My prayers are with your family; their grief and pain is fresh and immeasurable. We all will miss you.

Grab a Tissue Box...

Go read this article but make sure you have plenty of tissues handy. Hat tip to Matt over at Blackfive.

My heart swells with pride and crumbles into a thousand pieces at the same time when reading about guys and gals like Anderson and Edwards. God Bless them all.

New Year's Resolution

My New Year's Resolution this year is to NOT kill anyone working on my new house.

Let's review...
Original estimate:
3-4 months and $250K

So far:
7 months and counting and nearly double the cost...

This isn't a big or fancy house but there is only one decent sized lumber yard within 120 miles so you kinda pay what they want for materials. Well, it just so happens that my job requires me to travel and make feed deliveries so my trailer is usually empty on the return trip. Not any more! I have since saved over $10K in materials by loading up at Lowes or Home Depot on these trips. Oh yeah, and the folks at the local lumber yard thinks everyone is an idiot when it comes to building supplies. They don't think that anyone other than a contractor knows anything about loads, stresses etc. They tried to tell me that my deck HAD to be framed with 2x12 lumber because of the spans involved. Well Hell's Bells; the longest span is 8 feet and a 2x6 i capable of carrying that load and more. All you have to do is look at the code books and they have all the engineering tables right there! Geez!

Okay, sorry for the negative spin there; back to our regularly schedule program...

The snow is about 3 feet deep at the house right now which is beautiful! If you've watched the news the last couple of weeks, you know Colorado had been getting some pretty good blizzards. We went snow shoeing this past weekend and it was so cool! We went with some friends who live up the road from our house (the one we're building, not the one we're currently in). We saw lots of deer but only signs of elk and cats. Dumb me forgot the camera, and missed a shot of a four point buck, with only one antler. Strange sight, since they shouldn't lose their horns for a while yet.

That's about it kiddos; I'll try and get some new pics up soon.

Just Another Short Update of Sorts

Well everyone, I thought I'd post a quick update about the house situation. We spent most of two days digging the holes for the deck support columns. Now, the reason it took most of two days to dig ten holes is because the ground is frozen. Well, any smart person would have done this before it got so cold you would think and in fact that was our plan. But if you remember the problems we had with the concrete guy, you would know that this was supposed to be done about two months ago. Before it got so damn cold. Yeah yeah, I know, I should let go of the resentment for the concrete guy, but if it weren't for the fact that there was no good reason for his delays (other than he over extended himself and kept putting us off to do bigger, more lucrative jobs) I would let it go. But now it's costing me even more money cause the increased labor (things just take longer when it's cold out) involved. --sigh--

BTW, it took over six hours to dig two holes 1 foot wide and 32 inches deep. Yeah, that was WITH a power auger...

On the plus side, while we were digging, a HUGE buck was walking around the hill and across the driveway. I'll post some pics of him in a day or two. If I were still a hunter, I would have been in heaven. I seem to have lost the urge to kill these wonderful creatures. I'm not anti-hunting, I just would rather hunt them with a camera these days. I do still enjoy venison when folks offer me some!

One of my neighbors parked his horse trailer on our place for a few days while he packed up into his hunting camp. He told me that early one morning he saw a bear sitting in our driveway next to his truck/trailer rig. I'm gonna be so happy when we finally get to move in! Spending hours just looking out over the meadow and creek watching the wildlife...

I don't get much better my friends, it just don't :).

Stop by if you're in the neighborhood! Cheers

Rude1

Wlcome Home, and Welcome Back

There are few writers that can bare their souls so completely and honestly that you KNOW and FEEL what they're going through. Red 2 Alpha has that gift. I am a reader, I'm not a writer. He is, and he is back.

I have no idea how hard it is to open up the way he does, but I'm glad he does. No one gives a better insight into the humanity of the combat soldier/vet. I mentioned him previously here and now he is back to writing here. Stop by and read his work, you Will. Be. Moved.

Oh yeah, I can't keep forgetting to remind you to donate to Soldiers Angels "Project Valour IT"; there has never been a more worhty cause. Ever. I don't give a rats a$$ what your political affiliation is, or what your view of the war is; the bottom line is this: we owe our vets, especially those who are wounded, all the support we can give. Put your money where your mouth is and SUPPORT our troops. If we would all give a little money, or time, as opposed to lip service, we can support each and every one of them. Its the least we can do.

Has It Really Been Two Months??

Where does the time go? Well, for me it seems to be a blur of dealing with contrators, a new job, new community (even though I grew up here) and tons of other trivial matters that seem to swallow up my days.

As you may remember, we'er building a new house that apparently is made of platinum or gold. The problem with living here in the sticks is that materials cost about 3 times what I'm used to. Had I known, I would have rented an 18 wheeler and driven to Durango to pick up my ow materials. Oh well! And remember how um, "upset" I was that the concrete took so long? Well, I still am, cause now the builders are dealing with snow and cold weather which means slower work. Also, we had to rent a house since the fuel cost to heat our RV over the winter would be more than the rent. On the plus side, the rental is a little old farm house with lots of deer hanging out in the fields every morning and night, so to quote Bill Murray, "I have that going for me; which is nice."

I promised Barn Goddess some pics, so here you are. I hope you like them!


Nice huh?


Taken today...


From the rental a few weeks ago


In honor of the Goddess; these guys belong to one of my customers. I tried to catch the one on the right as he was bucking across the field, but as soon as I stopped my truck, he came over to check if I had any treats for him LOL!

I would like to say I'll do better at posting, but I don't know if I will or not. I want too, but life sometimes gets in the way. Check back in, you never know when I'll show up! Till then friends, be good!!

I Remember, I Can't Forget

It started out as just another normal day; the weather was nice, not perfect, but not bad. The sky was blue with only a few high altitude clouds. It would be a full day of flying for our squadron of F-16s. Again, nothing really out of the ordinary; we had a full schedule planned and my job as the Lead Production Superintendent or Pro Super, was to ensure we had all the jets covered with appropriate mechanics. Their job was to either support the active flying or fix those that had mechanical problems. Just another day…

I spent the early morning like all others; in a meeting going over the condition and plan for each of our 27 assigned jets. Little did I or any of us know how the world was changing while we discussed aircraft status. After the meeting, I went out to my truck to get the daily work started. I was coordinating with the mechanics the who, what and where we would do that day when we had an odd radio call. “Attention all radios this net, this is the MOC (Maintenance Operations Center) with an announcement. All local flying has been cancelled; please respond with your call sign.” “Rude 1 copies” I replied but didn’t really think much about it. Cancelling flying is rare, but not uncommon in the military, but usually I have an idea of why; bad weather, an accident or something like that. This day however, I was just thankful we didn’t have to worry about flying our schedule, but could instead; focus our efforts on the several jets that needed maintenance. Boy was I in for a shock.

I still didn’t have any idea what was going on since I didn’t have the radio on. In my truck, I had to listen to two tactical radios and use my cell phone, so I didn’t play the radio. I was briefing my supervisors about the change in the schedule when another odd radio call interrupted me…”Attention all radios this net, this is the MOC with an announcement. Implement THREATCON BRAVO. I repeat implement THREATCON BRAVO. Please respond with your call sign, MOC out.” “Rude 1” I said then wondered aloud if there was an exercise I wasn’t aware of. I told my supervisors to get moving with BRAVO procedures, and then went over to a Security Policeman driving around the flightline. I asked him if he knew what was going on, but he was as clueless as I was. I couldn’t really call the MOC to ask, since they were probably eye-ball deep in what ever was happening, besides, I knew I would be briefed soon enough. Right now, we just needed to follow orders and get things done.

About ten minutes later, the Chief of Maintenance came out to my truck and started talking about smoke boiling out of the Pentagon. I thought he was talking metaphorically, you know, I pictured all the Generals with smoke coming out of their ears as they worked some issue. I still didn’t know. Then he talked about the crash into the WTC. “What the hell are you talking about?” I asked. “You haven’t heard? Where have you been?” he asked. Out here doing my job, now what the hell is going on?” He told me we were under attack. I couldn’t comprehend what he was telling me, so I went into our ready room and saw the images of the second plane flying into the south tower. I was stunned for about 20 seconds, then knew we needed to get focused and be ready for whatever tasking we would receive.

I immediately called my supervisors together and had them round everyone up and form them up in the hangar. I needed to talk to them. I don’t really remember what I said, but it was along the lines of “Our country is under attack. We need to put our personal thoughts and feelings aside and focus on what we’re trained to do.” “Anyone with family in NYC or Washington, get with your supervisors after the brief.” “I know you’re worried about them, but I’m sure you won’t be able to get through to them for a day or two, so try to contact them, but don’t focus on it.” I told them to focus on what we needed to do to get our jets combat ready. We’re trained and ready, let’s show them so when the commanders start looking for jets; we’re right at the top, ready to roll.

I told the supervisors to keep an extra eye on anyone with family in the area, not to let happening. I told them to let everyone take breaks when they needed to get updated on what was happening, but to make sure they didn’t forsake their jobs. I didn’t need to worry since our biggest problem was getting folks to take breaks; no one wanted to stop working. Those men and women, some no more than pimple faced kids, had to be ordered to eat or rest. These people were (ARE) DEDICATED. I was so proud of each and every one of them, and humbled to have been leading them.

We got our jets ready and were standing at the ready, wondering what our tasking would be. Since I was the Lead Pro Super, I had to attend the pilots briefing to let them know what the status of our fleet was. As I sat there, listening to the latest intel I couldn’t help but feel for the first time in my life, that I was glad I wasn’t a fighter pilot. I looked at their faces as they were briefed on the possibility and rules of engagement of engaging and firing on an unarmed airliner. I couldn’t read their expressions, but know they had to be conflicted inside. I know they would have performed their duty had they been tasked, but was praying they wouldn’t have to. Thank God they didn’t.

The rest of the day was a mixture of meetings, giving and taking orders, and praying. Praying for the victims, praying for our leaders, praying for those who would be asked to go into harms way. Yes, it was only a few hours since the towers fell, but I know we would be sending folks into harms way.

Later that night, after working a 17 hour day, I was able to call my wife. She was on her Air National Guard weekend and 500 miles from home. She told me they had been on a C-130 getting ready to fly a training mission, when they suddenly shut down the engines and told to get off the plane and return to their squadron. After they were briefed, they went into action putting together emergency response kits (her unit is and Aeromedical Evacuation Squadron) and verifying everyone’s qualifications in case they were called to help. She too had a very long day and told me the folks in her squadron were just as dedicated and focused as mine were. I had no doubt about that; the people who serve, whether active duty or Guard or Reserve, are a patriotic, dedicated, honorable population. I’m humbled to be in their company.

While talking with my wife that night, we finally allowed ourselves to grieve. We cried on each others shoulder, even though it was over a phone line. We prayed together. We cried together. We comforted each other.

Since that day, we keep the victims, their families, and those in harms way in our daily prayers. We refuse to forget; please don’t forget either.

Rememberance

Hey all,
I know I don't have to remind any of you to stop at some point today and remember/reflect on this day only five short years ago. We can't allow ourselves to forget those who were taken so violently that day.

I'm looking for a piece I wrote about my experience that horrible day, but haven't found it yet. It's probably on the computer that's still in storage. Anyway, please leave your thoughts/recollections from that day, and I'll post mine as soon as I find it.

Be good everyone

Progress and Illness

This picture was inspired by the one and only Barngoddess. I drive past these two almost everyday and just love how they stay together and look so much alike. I hope to have my own soon... :)


Hey everyone, just a quick note about the trials and tribulations here in the land O Rude.

We are making progress on the house, the garage walls are formed and concrete (the first layer) is going in today, but still not very happy with this clown.

I've spent the last three days (nights actually)taking care of a sick dog... Poor guy has been having "accidents" on the floor cause he just cant hold it. I hope this isnt too graphic, but "explosive" is the only way to describe it. The vet thinks its a change in diet, but I dont think so. Wish me luck with the poor guy.



Here's a couple of fawns running down the fairway at the local golf course.

Why I love It Here

These folks were heading to the local laundromat believe it or not...

This guy ran across the road in front of me the other night while I was driving up to our building site. This is why I carry a camera with me all the time now!

This place really makes me happy! Ya'll come visit sometime!!

I aint daid yet!

Hello all!
I am not speaking from beyond the grave, although sometimes it seems that way. Things have been a nightmare lately and I have ignored one of the few things I really didnt want too; my blog. So, here is my attempt to fix that little oversight!

First, I have to thank the lovely Barngoddess for stopping in and reminding me to write; her comment on my last post made me open my eyes and remember the really neat friends I've made here on the web. I still don't know why anyone would read my drivel, but Im glad some do. I really miss interacting with you all and will REALLY try and do better.

Okay, so here's a bit of the hell I call life right now. Remember the new house we're building? The one we wanted to start in May so we could move in before winter? The one that we have been planning and trying to cover all the hidden pitfalls over the last YEAR? The one that is supposed to fit inside the hole in the picture from two posts ago? Remember that house? youdo? Good. Here's an update... We just got the concrete footers in YESTERDAY. We have been waiting for the concrete for SEVEN F'ING WEEKS! Sure, we've had some rain, but not enough to delay more than 3-4 days TOPS. No, what we have is a concrete guy who keeps putting our work off cause he has bigger, more lucrative jobs keep popping up. I told my wife day before yesterday that if he wasnt there yesterday, I was going to have him come pull his forms out and bring in someone else. He must be telepathic, cause there he was, pouring the beginning of our concrete. Now, he has to pour the walls yet, which I told him better bee done by mid week next week, or I was getting someone else to finish it.

Here's the funny part (to me anyway); see, this is a small house. We're going to live in it for 2-3 years and then build our final home. It is going to be VERY BIG! about 3 times the concrete work as this one. Now, this small one has almost $30,000 just in concrete, not a bad chunk of change for the concrete guy. The bigger house will have about 90frickinthousanddamndollars in concrete work. Okay, here's the funny part I was telling you about. Guess who doesn't have a chance in HELL of getting that job? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Take that you sorry SOB. Oh yeah, I think I might just wait about 7 weeks to write acheck for this one! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Im sorry, I hope my language and evil laughter doesn't offend anyone...wait, actually, if it does, well, tough! LOL

Anyway, so here we are, living in a 30' RV (two adults and two big dogs) and I have to say, it's getting on our nerves. Not to mention the fact that we wanted to start this house in May so we wouldn't have to live in the RV in the winter... Now, we're 2-3 weeks away from first frost and all we have done is the damn garage floor. Somehow, I think we'll be in the RV when snow comes... ((SIGH))

So, if anyone needs any concrete work done in the San Luis Valley in Southern Colorado, talk to me first and I'll tell you who NOT to hire.

I feel much better now, so Im gonna go drive up to the property and sit in the middle of my new concrete floor. Till next time kiddos!

Is Ethanol the Answer?

My brain sometimes drives me nuts; I have thoughts that bounce around just about every subject. Things like ethanol fuel; I was just watching TV and saw an ad for Ford (yuck) and they were bragging about building 250,000 vehicles that run on ethanol fuel that's "...grown in the heartland." They show a farmer loading bushels of corn into his truck and everyone thinks "wow, that's so great; ethanol is the answer to our oil woes." Everyone except me I guess.

You see, I have a knack for seeing things from different angles; I don't do it consciously, I'm just able to see things differently than most. This served me very well in the later years of my military career. In the early years it tended to get me in trouble with my superiors since it seemed I was "questioning" them. Anyway, eventually I learned how to tactfully bring my thoughts to the table and they started listening to me. Anyway, I digress, so back to the "ethanol as the answer" dilemma.

Yes, ethanol is an alternative fuel that can help EASE our oil burden, but it cannot replace oil without a huge negative impact on the global food chain. Follow me here; the amount of corn needed to produce enough ethanol to supply even a fraction of the population, would tie up most of our crop-land. I did some digging and found out that it would take 11 acres of crop-land to fuel one car for one year. That same 11 acres can produce enough food for seven people for one year. Another interesting tidbit is production costs; it currently costs approximately $1.75 to produce one gallon of ethanol compared to $.95 per gallon of gasoline. Oh, and it takes 70% more energy to produce a gallon of ethanol than that same gallon holds (131,000 BTUs to produce one gallon that will put out 77,000 BTUs). Pretty staggering huh?

There’s another problem; land is a finite commodity, and agricultural land is even harder to come by. The available land for agricultural use is getting smaller every day; farms and ranches are being sold to real estate developers at an alarming rate. Let’s face it, the planet is getting smaller, and if we use it to produce a product that we don’t need to survive, to me is a bad idea. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for reducing our dependence on foreign oil and alternative fuel research, but I don’t think taking food off the table to put gas in the tank is a smart move. This is especially true when we have vast un-tapped oil fields available.

I can hear some of the arguments already; how big oil is gouging since it only costs $.95 a gallon to make, and we can’t drill for new oil because it will ruin the environment. Keep in mind that the $.95 is only the production (refinement) cost per gallon of gas and doesn’t include costs like overhead, research, taxes, profit, etc. Yes I said profit, but keep in mind, the oil companies only operate with a 7 – 9% profit margin, which is actually pretty low. As for drilling issues, the U.S. does more than any other nation to ensure the environmental impacts are kept to a minimum. Think about this; the U.S. is not allowed to drill new oil wells in the Gulf of Mexico because of our environmental laws, yet now Cuba is going to be drilling within 20 miles of our shores. Don’t you think the U.S., with our technology and the EPA, would be more apt (and capable) to protect the environment while drilling than some third world country?

Well, I’ve gotten off on a tangent again, so I’ll quit my rant. The bottom line is that ethanol is not the answer. It’s a start, but we need to take a hard look at the ramifications before jumping on the band wagon. Just something to think about.

The Hole...

Well, our hole has gotten bigger, but due to the rain we desperately need, the concrete has been delayed. At least it's getting closer, but I sure hope we're able to move in before winter... --sigh--

Anyway, here's a picture of our hole (the dog is NOT taking a dump; he was afraid to come down the slope!) taken a week or so ago.


The other pic is the view we will have from the house. You can see the creek and the nice green spot is a natural spring where deer, elk, and antelope like to hang out at night. Not to bad huh? :)

Okay, more to come; stay tuned kiddies!

I'm so ashamed... :)

I haven't posted in so long and I feel terrible about it. So, I'll try and put down a few of the more important things bouncing around in my cranium...

First, let me tell you I'm totally impressed with the Dodge warranty service. When the Rude Ram went down a couple weeks ago, she was towed to the dealership, repaired and returned in less than 48 hours. Out here in the sticks, that's pretty good! And it only cost me the $100 deductible. Needless to say, I was very happy.

I have some pics I need to post; the other day I was up at the building sight and the neighbor from down the road was moving his cattle up to pasture. I sat there and watched as the cowboys and girls drove the heard right up the road and past our place. I thought how cool it was to sit and watch the poetry as these wranglers moved a herd in the same way it's been done for centuries. I love being back here!

We have a HOLE! LOL, the excavation has begun on the new house and we should be having the concrete poured very soon. It's hard to believe that our house is actually being built! Well, almost, but we have a well, a road, a hole, and next week we'll have a septic system! Yee-haw! Now as long as we can be done and moved in by winter I will be One. Happy. SOB!

In other news, my new business is starting to take off. We've had a lot of winter-kill out here with both the alfalfa crops and the turf grasses. Hopefully, we can get them re-established and have some happy customers.

I also wanted to do a mini-blogrole post to throw some kudos out to my peeps LOL. So, remember, this is just the first of many of these to get out my impressions of my favorite bloggers. Those on my side bar will eventually all be named, but this is just a starter...

Desult is responsible for me blogging at all. We started a friendship over email and she encouraged me to post some of my writing. I still don't know what she was thinging! LOL. Anyway, I admire the hell out of her for many reasons, one of which was her willing to change her lifestyle by joining the military. She is a driven and accomplished young lady who will go very very far. She just needs to trust in herself a bit more. Oh, and she's frickin HOT too :)

Speaking of Hotties, Cowgirl is smokin! LOL, for a couple of reasons; obviously she is a beautiful woman, but just read her posts and you know how beautiful her heart is. Her ability to express her love and connection with her horses, and her honest open personal insight make her such a joy to read. She has the ability to draw others to her and isn't afraid of judgement. I'm proud she's a friend and everytime I hear the song "that girl is a cowboy" I think of her. Oh, and if you ever have the pleasure of hearing her sing, you'll be AMAZED!

Shayna is another with an amazing voice. Her stories of Eugene got me hooked; she has such a big, sweet and loving heart that shows through in her writing. She's funny and fearless; one you always want on your side.

Militarygrrl's writings about her military experience are a must read for anyone on either side of the debate about women in the military. The things she went through, and the way she handled them are proof positive that women can not only do the job, but often out perform the "guys". I'd serve with her anyday.

Barngoddess; what can I say about her? Just read her stuff; she blows me away. Everytime I stop by her place it reminds me how much I miss having horses around. Even though it's been over 20 years since I had one. Thanks to her and Cowgirl, that will change soon after the house is built!

I just noticed something; almost all of my blog buddies are beautiful women... Go figure!

That's all I have time for right now, I'll get to more of them soon. I promise! Till then, thanks for being there for me to read, I miss stopping by like I used to. Have a great day all! Cheers

The New Place

This is a pic of our place taken last year. It's much "greener" right now! The house will be down by where the trailer is, the corral will be just past it, up and to the right a wee bit. I hope you like!!

What a Day...

Okay, I finally get my wireless set up here at the RV and decided to put up a post. What to write about? I know, how about how my day went so far…

So I was on my way out to our property to meet with the builder and designer, cruising along down our dusty bumpy road when my truck. Just. Dies. I mean, no warning, no nothing, just all of the sudden, the tach rolls back to 0 and I coast to the side and stop. Luckily my builder drove by a few minutes later and gave me a lift to the site to stake out the house and go over the final plans (which are way cool!). Then he tells me how much the building permit will cost. Well, actually, the brand new “impact fee” which was put into affect 1 June. So, now the permit plus “impact fee” will be DOUBLE what it was last month. Yep, last month, if our original plans had been done, we would have started construction and not had to pay the “impact fee”. Oh, and the “impact fee” is supposed to be used to help maintain the roads, just like the inflated taxes do. Oh yeah, the road we will live on, is CRAP! Washboards you can get lost in. Am I bitter? Just a little.

So, my truck is dead (I’ll let you know how Dodge warranty service works out). I know I know Cowgirl will let me know how Dodge suck blah blah blah… (you know I’m only pulling your leg CG; and what a leg it is; but I digress…)

So, then I go to check on registering all my vehicles and of course that’s gonna cost me about $5K, so the hits just keep coming!

On a lighter note, my dogs are making me laugh more and more everyday. I take them out to our property and they get out of the truck and immediately relieve themselves; but if I take them on their morning or afternoon walk, it takes at least a half hour to find the perfect spot worthy of their poo. I just don’t get it.

Well, the only thing else I wanted to say was to have you all go read the letter Matt at Blackfive posted by Col Brett Wyrick (I’ve served with the Col’s brother and have seen other letters, so I’m sure this letter is authentic) about Marines. Go. Read. Now.

Till nest time, Cheers!

Holy Crackers, A Real Post!

Greetings all from the high mountains! As is my modus operandi lately, this will be a short, but hopefully sweet post. I won't go into the high-tech cowboy area just yet (sorry cowgirl ;) ) but thought I might regale you all with a few tidbits of why I'm so happy to be back here.

I'd forgotten just how beautiful this area of the world is, and how on some small scale, time has slowed down to a crawl. For the most part, the area hasn't changed since I left some 25 years ago. It's still full of ranches and farms complete with ranchers and farmers; all of whom are still going broke every year (just ask anyone of them!). Seriously, I know how hard it is to make a living ranching and/or farming, but for the most part, these guys are the same ones who were working their land when I left. They may not be getting rich, but most are still paying their bills and providing a good life for their families.

I feel at times as if it's 1980 except all those guys and gals I ran around with are much older than they should be! I mean, they have like grown kids and stuff, some even with grand kids! What happened to them while I was gone? Then I look in the mirror, and remember that I too have aged quite a bit since then, but I'm happy to say that while I may look a bit older and rougher, my mind still says I'm in my 20's.

I had forgotten the simple pleasure of driving down an open road where you can see forever and watching a late evening lightening storm dance across the mountain tops under a turquoise sky with flaming clouds against the Western horizon. My words fail to paint the beautiful picture God provides on a nightly basis. I wish you all could see them. I should carry my camera with me I guess!

I am still getting used to the fact that people don't lock their trucks and give a friendly wave to every passing car on the road. I know; it sounds a bit Mayberry, but life is so relaxed here, I can't explain it.

The sheer joy I feel everyday here more than makes up for the shock I get when I see my paycheck (is that right? That's what I used to have withheld, not take home!!!) Oh well, the price of living in this wonderful place is a much smaller income, but then the cost of living is much less too, so I'm not complaining one bit. In fact, I'm thanking the Lord for allowing me to live here once again.

I hope all of you are happy and healthy. I miss you all and wish you could all come out for a visit (maybe AFTER the house is built since the RV is a bit crowded with my wife and I and our two dopey dogs) :

Till next time…

Yawn; just another lame update of sorts

Yes, it is alive; sadly failing in keeping the handful of friends who read my drivel updated, but alive at least.

I'm currently in an Inn outside of Niagra Falls (we flew out here for the wedding of a friend) and now that the festivities have slowed down, I've been able to get a slooooow dial up connection.

Things have been busy as you might imagine; in fact, the last few weeks have been a blur of packing boxes, endless highways, and precious little sleep. In fact, I've driven the road between Salt Lake City and our little Colorado mountain town no less than 5 times in the past four weeks (500+ miles one way). This trip for the wedding was a welcome diversion, but I have so much to do back in CO that I'm having a hard time enjoying it.

The wedding was very nice; and seeing the bridal party in mess dress and then the bride and groom exiting under a saber arch on Armed Forces day reminded me of how out of place I feel these days. My uniform is packed away for good, my mustache and hair way beyond the allowable limits, and my gut a little bigger than it should be; yet in my heart, I want to wear the uniform and be a part of the team once again. I know it isn't possible, but damn I miss it.

Oh, and the house plans I paid a goodly sum for to build our new house? Yeah, they can't be used, so I have a new designer working on the new ones which of course will cost another chunk of change. Here's a safety tip for any of you kiddies building a new house... Hire a professional and get a signed contract! Stay away from "friends" even if they're fully qualified to do the job. Yeah, I should have known better. So, bottom line is our construction of the new homestead is about 6 weeks behind and it's not even started yet.

Oh well, live and learn. I hope all of you have a wee bit better luck than Im having. Oh, and to the newlywed J and K; Long and happy life together, and thanks for allowing us to be a part of it!

I have some really good stuff to write about as soon as I get time. I think the first will be on Hi-Tech Cowboys... Ponder that :)

Quick Update

Hey everyone, I just popped in to let you know that things are good so far. The move is going good, though slow. We haven't started on the house yet since my builder and I keep missing each other. Grrrr.

I've forgotten how much I love this area and am so excited to be back. It always has felt like home (cause it is I guess!)

I don't know when Ill have internet access, thank God there is one business here in the 21st century and opened a hispeed internet cafe. I get down here about once a week since they're only open a few hours a day. At least it's something.

Thanks to you all for your kind words and encouragement; it means a lot. I miss all of you and hope to be around to everyones blogs soon.

MN Girl, I haven't forgotten about the tag, I'll do it as soon as possible!

Cheers all, blessings to each of you!

Rude1 out

Still alive, but going nuts

Hey all, Just a quick note to let you know Im still kickin! One final left, 1/2 the house left to laid in the truck, then drive for 10+ hours only to have to unload it in a storage unit since the new house isn't under construction yet!

Yep, me, the princess bride, and our two goofy dogs get to live in our RV while the house is being built... Am I nuts or what?

Talk to you all soon; I am popping in as I get the chance. Blessings to all of you, see you soon!

MIA or AWOL, I can't decide

Hey folks, I know it's been a while and although I'm sort of a hit and run, or hit or miss poster, I thought I'd give a quick update to the 3 or 4 folks who happen to stumble over here.

Things are greatly in flux out here in the land-O-Rude. I've quit my high paying, low challenging job, sold my house, and am trying to finish my last semester of school (the day after my last final I pack up the truck and move). Needless to say, I'ma bit stressed and swamped, so I haven't been posting or visiting my bloggy friends. Soooo....

I just wanted to let you all know that I will be under the radar for a few weeks (not sure what sort of access I'll have) But I'll pop 'round as soon as I get a chance.

Happy BIrthday to my favorite Cowgirl, somebody keep an eye on her and keep her out of trouble!!

Our Duty to Remember

Shayna recently wrote about Eugene and it got her thinking about how sad it is that we, as a nation, tend to forget or overlook those who gave so much. She wished that they would talk more about their experiences in the hopes that the rest of society would be reminded of what they went through and not to forget them.

I wanted to try in some weak attempt, to explain why that probably won’t ever happen. I agree with her; we should be reminded not to forget those who sacrificed so much and gained so little, but the sad fact is that the majority of combat vets won’t talk about it. At least not to just anyone. They’ll talk at length with other combat vets, or tell some of the funny stories to their families; but most won’t open up about the serious times.

My theory about why is rather simple, yet strangely complicated. I know that most vets are very proud of what they did, of their contribution to history, of being part of something important, something historical. But the difficulty lies in that to be proud of that, in some way the vet must be proud of killing; an act that is taught to us from the earliest stages of our life, to be the ultimate sin. Killing another human being is one of the most reprehensible thing anyone can do. Yet the bottom-line job of the military member is to kill.

We desensitize ourselves by making light of it, or even advertising it. “Our job is to kill people and break things.” “Kill ‘em all and let God sort ‘em out.” “Killing is our business, and business is good.” None of us really feel that way, but we try and convince ourselves that it’s okay. The training and preparation kicks in during battle and instinct and training take over. There is no time to reflect, but deep down, late at night, especially after the battle, and the fog of war starts to dissipate, we look at ourselves in horror. We don’t want anyone to know the horrible sin we’ve committed; the taking of another human life. Forever silencing the voice of someone’s father/brother/son/mother/sister/daughter/friend. You can’t take that back. But it’s what we do. We have to, or else evil will prevail.

So the combat vet stays mute about it except to another combat vet. Someone who’s been there too; someone who understands. No matter how hard you try, no matter how much you want to understand, to sympathize, to help; you can’t. You cannot fathom the guilt/pride conflict raging within. The combat vet doesn’t want to remember the killing, but it is something that can’t ever be forgotten. Even those “lucky” enough to have never actually killed; the sights, sounds, smells, and touch of combat casualties is every bit as traumatic. As a military member, your job is to inflict pain amongst the enemy, but as you see the aftermath, you question how can civilized, sane people do such things to one another. So you shut it down, you don’t talk about it, you hide it away because if you don’t, you run the risk of seeing the looks of revulsion from those you love. You so desperately want to forget, but you can’t.

There are countless stories out there of combat heroes, whose families have no idea of their bravery. Navy and Air Force Cross recipients, Silver Star recipients who put their medals in a dusty box in some basement or attic. People who did extraordinary things while under fire, but hide them away like forgotten trinkets. I remember reading how John Levitow’s wife, also an Air Force member, didn’t know he had been awarded the Medal of Honor until she studied it during a required Air Force history class. She knew he had served in Viet Nam before they met, but had no idea he was the lowest ranking AF member to be awarded the Nation’s highest military honor. Or of Susan Rescorla finding her husband Rick’s military medals only to have him refuse to let her display them. Rick Rescorla not only was a hero of the Ia Drang Valley in Viet Nam, but he was chief of security for Morgan Stanley and lost his life in the WTC on 9/11, but not before ensuring over 3000 of his charges were evacuated safely.

This is the reason why military members are the last people who want to go to war. We make the sacrifices. We run the risk of being killed or wounded. We run the risk of losing our closest friends. We run the risk of having to kill or maim another human. But we do it when needed. Some may think we rush into wars, but believe me, the vast overall majority of military leaders will only advise military action if all other avenues have failed.

It is not the job f the combat vet to remind society of what they did, it is the responsibility of society to remember the sacrifices of the combat vets and to honor them. The combat vet doesn’t want sympathy. All he wants is acceptance and possibly a thank you. It’s societies job to HONOR them, and to never forget. Don’t pity these heroes, for most of them would do it again even knowing the consequences. Don’t pry or try and understand their silence, respect it. Don’t patronize them, but be their friend. Most of all, don’t forget them; they did what they did for you.

Tagged

So the lovely Trouble gave me my first tag; I don’t know whether to be happy or embarrassed LOL. Any way, Six Weird Habits might take a while (not because I have to think of them, but rather I have to narrow it down to six!). Anyway, here goes…

1) I still carry my squadron Ram coin everywhere I go; just in case.

2) I count paces when I walk, not all the time, but whenever I’m by myself. 4,596 paces from my quarters to work the last time I was stationed in Korea…

3) I stroke my mustache; been doing it for 24 years (I shaved it off in basic, last time I think!)

4) I collect die cast airplanes and corvettes. I have an entire bookcase at work with nothing but these toys. Oh, and an Aviator Barbie and G.W. Bush Top Gun are also there (long story, thanks Capt. G and Lt. K)

5) I have a photographic memory; most of my family and friends refuse to play Trivial Pursuit or similar games with me.

6) I can quote most of the movie “Better Off Dead”

There you go, six of the not-so-weird things about me; I know some of them are not habits per se, but... I’ll keep the really weird stuff to myself thank you!

So, Cowgirl, Desult, and Barn Goddess; You’re officially tagged, so tell me some weird things about you… 

Let Us Never Forget

Paul Ray Smith. A name that few really know, but one that all of us should remember. It's been a little over three years since he was killed protecting his men in Baghdad. His actions that day earned him the Medal of Honor. Go read the citation if you haven't already. SFC Paul Ray Smith was the epitome of leadership under fire. He was a strict NCO knowing that his troops needed to be highly trained to survive in combat.

SFC Smith embodies the honor and selflessness of our warriors serving today. The majority of those serving today would have done the same thing he did were they in his boots. All of those who have served, and those still serving, deserve our respect, thanks, and most importantly, our rememberance.

God Bless and protect them all.

Thanks to Sgt Hook for his post "Would You Know My Name" who made me remember.

Ben Stein

I've tried several times to write a post about Ben Stein and what he means to me, but I can never get it right. I'm one of those folks who think that most of the Hollywood crowd is a joke, but I respect and enjoy what they do. (when they stay within their area of expertise as I wrote about here) Anyway, Ben is different. He understands what meaning is. I just want to thank him. I want to thank him for making me laugh in "Ferris Beuller's Day Off", and on his show "Win Ben Stein's Money". I want to thank him for his support of the US military. I want to thank him for his service to our country during the Nixon years. Ben, if you're listening, Thank You. You're support, and the support of all who believe, helps keep us going. We can't do it alone.

Ben's article made me think about my life since I've retired from the military. I've often told my wife since that day that I miss being a part of something important, of making a difference in the world. Ben reminded me that I miss my life having meaning. I know there are a lot ways to get that meaning back. I just need to do it. It was easy to have meaning while in uniform; everyday held the pursuit of the greater good. Now, I struggle to find the niche where I can once again contribute. I support the Soldiers/Sailors/Airmen/Marines/Coast Guard; I send packages and volunteer to help deployed spouses keep up with home/landscape duties. I try and pass a little wisdom to the young troops whenever I can. I try and help educate those with no military knowledge. In short, I'm trying to honor those who still serve, and those who've served before us, but honestly, sometimes I need a reminder to do more. It's easy to get caught up in the daily BS of life and lose track of what's really important.

Thanks again Ben, for reminding me to keep on helping where I can.

She's Back!

For those that ever had the pleasure of reading Right Thinking Girl, you know what a wonderful and talented writer she is. Personally, when she quit blogging, it left a void, a blackhole in my day. I wrote a little about why I liked her writing so much here. I have a pretty good idea why she quit for a while, and like so many others, prayed that things would get better for her. I'm glad she's been able to move forward, but I'll still keep her in my prayers.

I was able to catch a few of her guest articles over at RWN, but it never seemed to be enough to sate my appetite. There's just something about her writing that speaks to me; I can't really explain it. I'm just glad she's back. I always thought she would be back; she's a WRITER, it's as much a part of her as breathing. I'm a reader and I'm glad I'll be able to lose myself in her words yet again.

Welcome home RTG.

Slainte na Gaidheil!

Tomorrow is Tartan Day where all Americans of Scottish descent show off their heritage. I do it every year, getting a little more into it than the last. I started out wearing a tie made from my families Tartan, then added a blazer with my family crest. Is this the year I cause havok at the office by wearing a full kilt? I don't know yet...

Here's a wee bit o my families Scottish history, summarized by the folks at scotclans.com.

The (name withheld to protect the innocent) claim to be descended from Crinan, Lord of Atholl, from whom sprang the royal house of Duncan I, the King of the Scots. The (name withheld to protect the innocent) clan is more properly called 'Clan Donnachaidh' from their ancestor Duncan, who was a staunch supporter of Robert the Bruce, and who led the Clan at the Battle of Bannockburn.

The general surname of the clan (name withheld to protect the innocent) was taken from Robert Riach (Grizzled Robert) the clan chief, who was known for his intense loyalty to the Stewarts. Riach was responsible for capturing the murderers of King James I, and was rewarded by the crown for this act by having his lands at Struan erected into a Barony.

The clan was also granted a symbolic memorial by additions to their coat of arms - subsequently the chief of clan (name withheld to protect the innocent) bore as his crest a hand holding an imperial royal crown, and underneath a man in chains, representing the regicide. About a century later, the (name withheld to protect the innocent) family lost the lands of Struan to the Earl of Atholl but the family regained them in 1606.

However in the seventeenth century, after the final defeat of James VII, all (name withheld to protect the innocent) estates were forfeited and the chief of the (name withheld to protect the innocent) clan joined the exiled court in France. To this day the chiefs of the clan (name withheld to protect the innocent) still have the right and privilege of interment in the family burial ground at Struan

Well, I'm sure anyone with a little effort can figure out my last name, but hey, you gotta work for it if you really want to know!

I hope you all have a great Tartan Day tomorrow!

Rock on Fellas!

I got a kick out of this video. Pretty good tune I must say! You can check out their site here.

H/T to Timmer over at Sgt Stryker's

Must Read

Sarah over at Trying to Grok has a link to this article that is a must read. I like the way he thinks...

You Go Girl!!!

YEAH!!! My friend Desult earned the Army Physical Fitness Test Award during her stay in Basic! She maxed it out getting 300 out of a possible 300 points. She even did it while battling a respiratory illness. You go girl!

I'm telling you folks, this lady is kick a$$!

Go check it out!

Saying What I Think...

Sgt Mom has done it again; putting the jumbled thoughts bouncing around my skull into eloquent and comprehensive words. I don't know how she does it, but darn glad she does. Go read.

But on another note, this just, well I just don't know what to think. I'm so very happy these men were saved and I regret the death of their companion. However, those "illegal occupiers" of Iraq are the ones who rescued them; I shudder to think about their fate if those "occupiers" weren't there. Would a simple thank you have been so hard to say WITHOUT the anti-war spin? I just don't understand some people.

HT to Drudge.

Dog Days

Sgt Mom has written her adventures with the Lesser Weevil here, here, here, and here, and some of her comments got me thinking about my two “boys” and how they make me laugh. The Blue Eyed Infidel also would post about her dogs and I really enjoyed reading them, so I figured WTH, I’ll try and convey some of the adventures my two dogs have had and the joy (and occasional frustration) they bring to my wife and I.

Our oldest is a pure chocolate lab that my wife got while I was deployed to Korea the last time back in 1999. In some ways, he’s a typical lab; he LOVES the water, and has a very “soft mouth”. However, he doesn’t enjoy fetch like other labs. In fact, after about 2 retrievals, he’ll look at the stick/ball/Frisbee then me, then the stick/ball/Frisbee, back to me with a look like, WTF? I just BROUGHT that damn thing to you, why are you throwing it away again? Then go lie in the grass and chew on some grass. Now if I throw the stick/ball/Frisbee into a lake, he’ll keep playing till he drowns…

The younger one we got a year after the first to keep him company while we were at work. He is a black lab/blue heeler mix and is one of the smartest dogs I’ve ever seen. In fact, he’s too smart for his own good and I’ll often call him Einstein. When he was a puppy, my wife’s shoes (not mine, or anything else) were getting chewed up. We never caught the culprit, but assumed it was the older dog, being jealous of the pup and acting out since we ALWAYS found the shoe remnants either in his bed or near where he was laying and the puppy was at least all the way across the room. Well, one day I snuck in the house to see if I could catch the monster in the act. I heard the tell tale sounds of something (I assumed it was yet another shoe) meeting its demise. As I snuck up the stairs, I could see the big dog lying on the floor looking the other way. About that time, the stair creaked and I saw a small furry black streak dragging a Teva up to the big dog, drop it between his outstretched paws, and continued like a shot clear across the room and jumped into his bed, tail wagging a mile a minute. I had to laugh; he was deliberately placing evidence to frame the older dog for his misdeeds, and then look on with his innocent little face while the older dog was like what? I’m just laying here dude!

Our lab is not the most graceful dog on the planet; in fact, I affectionately call him lumber for the way he runs. It’s sort of like a bull in a china shop. Last night I laughed out loud at him as he played with his tug-o-war rope by himself. This rope has a loop on either end and is about 2 feet long. He had the rope in his mouth at the center and was jumping around and shaking his head trying to get me interested enough to play with him. At one point, he had gotten each of his front paws in the loops, sort of like a hobble for a horse. He couldn’t quite figure out what to do, but continued to pull and shake the rope, tripping himself over and over.

When we first brought the little one home, he would stalk Lumber and pounce on him (still does in fact) trying to incite him to play. Lumber outweighed him by about 60 ponds then and would let him do what ever he wanted. Very tolerant that one! In fact, Einstein started sitting on Lumber, either his head or his back, whenever Lumber was lying down. Einstein will walk across the room, sit on Lumber’s head, and then look over at us as is to say, “That’s right, I’m king of this here castle.” Lumber just accepts it. For a long time I thought Einstein was the Alpha, and Lumber was a big old baby, but my neighbor mentioned something to me once after they had ‘babysat’ for us. I think he may be right. We now think Lumber is definitely the alpha, but lets Einstein act all tough; much like a big brother does with his bratty sibling. I’ve seen the few occasions where Einstein goes too far and Lumber quickly puts him in his place. Einstein immediately acquiesces and slinks off till big brother has forgiven him.

These two guys are a constant source of laughter and companionship for us, they are our boys and I really don’t know how we could live without them. Since we’ve not been able to have children, we sometimes treat them as such (NOT to the point where we treat them like kids) but we have some of the same feelings and concerns.

Not long ago, while my wife was deployed, Einstein got really sick one night. I mean really. Sick. He made it to the back door and threw up on the floor mat. I let him out for some fresh air as I cleaned up the mess (this was the most disgusting thing I’ve ever had to do. It. Was. Awful.) and threw the mat away. Anyway, I let him back in the house, made sure he had fresh water, and went to the bathroom to wash my hands. In that short time, he got sick again, this time in his bed. It was so awful I simply threw it away as well. When I came back in from dumping the hazardous waste in the dumpster, he had lost it once more by the back door (I had no idea a 60lb dog could hold that much) on the tile floor. He looked up at me with a look that said, “Dude, I’m so sorry, but I’m so sick right now…” I cleaned it up yet again (by this time I was ready to throw up too) and then sat there and rubbed his head and made sure he kept drinking water. He lay there looking at me with his tail flicking, letting me know how much he appreciated my efforts. I figured that if he was still sick in the morning, we’d run down to see the vet. Luckily, the next morning he was fine and running around like the little imp he is, tormenting Lumber with a renewed vigor, as if to make up for those few hours he couldn’t find the energy to.

These guys drive me nuts sometimes, but not a day goes by that they don’t make me laugh out loud and that is priceless.

The Future is Secure

Stories like this one on Fox News just re-afirm my faith in the youth of America. Youth of America? Did I say that? I guess I'm officially old now, but never mind that, these kids make me proud!

My View

The other day I made some comments about some college students parroting what is reported in the media instead of thinking critically and making decision for themselves. This of course triggered some spirited comments, and one in particular that I need to address and expand my position on. In particular, I used the example of students asking "isn’t it true that there were no WMDs in Iraq and that Bush lied just to get us in the war?" The point I want to make about this particular statement and how it applies to critical thinking is that the absence of WMDs is only part of the story.

To get to the crux of the argument is that Bush lied about WMDs to get us into the war in Iraq. Forget about the reasons why he supposedly wanted to get into the war, I want to focus on the argument that he lied about WMDs to get us there.

To understand this, you need to know a little bit about the intelligence available at the time, and how it’s interpreted. We had lots of intel, in fact, we ALWAYS have lots of intel. So much in fact that on average, the amount of intel gathered on a daily basis, is so large that it would one person 18 years to go through it, analyze it, interpret it and make a recommendation. Eighteen years; that’s 37,440 man-hours (40 hrs a week x 52 weeks x 18 years). Granted, we don’t have a single person doing this, but you can figure that even if you had a team of 100 people, it would take 47 days to process ONE days worth of intel, and intel gathering continues 24 hours a day, seven days a week. It’s a wonder we’re able to do as well as we do.

Add to the equation that intel analysis is not an exact science. Recommendations are basically guesses on the part of the analyst. Guesses made by experts in their fields, based on past experience, political climate, and a myriad of other factors, but it boils down to and educated guess. In the military community, we jokingly refer to it as a SWAG or Scientific Wild A$$ Guess.

So, there is a good chance the intel was flawed. However, there’s a reasonable chance it was correct and the WMDs did exist and were either hidden or moved. I tend to think that these explanations are more plausible than they didn’t exist at all. I can hear you now; "but we haven’t found any, so how could they have been over looked for so long, they couldn’t have existed. Well, the best way to explain this is with an example.

Not long ago, there was a horrible murder out where I live where a pregnant woman was killed by her husband while she slept. He disposed of the bodies in a dumpster. He confessed to the crime within days and the police conducted a full out search of the landfill that dumpster load was taken to. It took over two and a half months to find her body. My point is this; the police KNEW where she was and it took over two months to find her in an area less than 10 square miles. Iraq is about 7,000 square miles larger than California with the majority of it being vast expanses of open, desolate desert. We have found complete military aircraft buried in the desert, to hide them from inspectors. Whole, complete military aircraft. Keep in mind that Iraq gathered intel as well and probably had a good idea of when we were getting ready to go in. They had plenty of time to hide or move their WMDs before OIF kicked off.

There are those who also say that since there were no WMDs (found), then we need to get out of Iraq. Again, I’ll use an example of why we shouldn’t cut and run since the WMDs were not found. Imagine the police get a tip that a house is being used to manufacture and sell drugs. They get a warrant based on probable cause and raid the home. Turns out, there are no drugs, no paraphernalia, no evidence at all of drug activity. Their intel was flawed. But what if they find evidence of a homicide, or find a kidnap victim tied up in the basement? Should they pack up and leave? What if they find evidence of a serial killer or child molester? What should they do?
So, back to my original point; why is parroting the stance of no WMDs being ill-informed? Technically yes, there were no WMDs found so far. They may not have even existed, but that doesn’t mean the President lied. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be in Iraq. Was the intel flawed? Possibly or probably depending on how you look at it. Were mistakes made? Absolutely. Do we cut and run because of them? In my opinion, no; I think it’s better to learn from them and make corrections, and continue to do what is necessary.

My original comments were based on a conversation about how some of the college students I’ve talked to in class don’t take the time to hear the other side, or sometimes a third or forth side of a story. They don’t make the effort to get the details, weigh them, and form their own opinion. This applies to those on both sides of an issue. What I try to instill is these young people is to look at things from all angles, get as much information from different sources (not just the ones that support their particular view) and base a position on complete information. If they do that, they’re opinions have weight. To blindly follow a party line or support a candidate because of dislike for another, is not only irresponsible, it’s dangerous. To base your position on well informed thought is how our system is designed to work.

I know there are plenty out there that will still disagree with me, and that’s fine. I enjoy disagreement. I like to hear well thought out arguments contrary to my views. It makes me better informed. I have even changed my views on some issues because of it. Like I said in my profile, I can’t stand blind allegiance to either side; but I respect the hell out of firm allegiance based on personal thought. I might not agree, but if your argument is based on complete information, I’ll lay down my life defending your right to your beliefs.

The first Rampage for the Rampage

Okay kiddies, time for a full on rage against the machine rant from yours truly. Now I have had more than my fair share of injustices during my 23 years on active duty, but this isn’t about me. This is about some of our warriors sitting in HARMS WAY (mortar and rocket attacks) and not getting hostile fire pay. Not. Getting. HOSTILE. FIRE. Pay. These folks are assigned to units in country, receiving hostile fire, and not getting paid for it. Why?

Here’s what I know, and I’ll admit I haven’t researched much so far, but I do know it’s affecting my family personally. Evidently, you have to been in the combat zone for 30 consecutive days to receive hostile fire pay. Sounds like someone somewhere put this rule in place to prevent REMFs* from popping into the zone for a day and receiving HFP. Good idea. But, and this is a big but, what about those that live and work in the zone, but duties require them to leave for a day or two then return? Or what about some brave trooper who gets wounded and evac’d out of the AOR? Don’t they deserve the HFP for putting their asses on the line?

We have Air Evac teams in country whose job is to take the wounded, injured or KIA out of the AOR to treatment centers in Germany, we all know that. What we don’t know is that as soon as one of these missions of mercy takes off, those crew members and possibly their charges have just lost their chance for HFP. Am I the only one who is outraged by this? I mean, c’mon, all that is required to get the tax free exemption for a month of pay is to enter the combat zone! This includes aircraft that fly through the airspace, but never land in, the combat zone. WTF?

Some people VERY close to me just returned from a tour where the longest consecutive time spent in the zone was 27 days. The good news is that there are fewer mission (due to fewer casualties) than the last deployment they were on, but the bad news is they sacrifice just as much as any other member deployed there and encounter the same risks without the small compensation of HFP. Never mind that one such mission was flown ONLY because some visiting members of Congress refused to wear their seat belts and were in a car accident! They weren’t attacked; their driver lost control and these guys wound up injured through their own arrogance. I wonder what sort of allowance or entitlement they got for their few days in the zone? It just seems wrong that those that work, live, and sometimes die in a combat zone, don’t get this small compensation because of some arbitrary number thought up by some bean counter who probably couldn’t find the combat zone on a map.

*Rear Echelon Mother F^@!$r